« Chapeau Noir Responds: First Annual Clothing Survey »

[Posted in response to "The First Annual Clothing Survey By The Experts", published on One-Eyed Golfer.]

First, a XL sized thank you to One-Eyed golfer for the invitation to provide 'wisdom' in regard to a bevy of style trends. Chapeau Noir is truly honored by the invite and the accolade and has chosen to give his opinions on the examples set by One-Eyed Golfer. Chapeau Noir will post his trend predictions and comments on current styles in subsequent posts.

Now, without further adieu, Chapeau Noir takes his best shots at the One-Eyed Golfer list, as daunting as it may be.

Sansabelt slacks

The sansabelt is not necessarily a no-no, but wearer stands a much better chance at fashion success if he is void of any manner of beer-enhanced belly.

After all, Chapeau Noir cannot imagine anything worse than having that button pop while standing over a crucial putt on the 18th in front of a full veranda. Chapeau Noir could see the sansablet making a comeback. If well executed and enhanced by a company of known style, it could happen.

Big Buckles

As with the Sansabelt, the big buckle should only be put into play by the trim of waist. That is unless your name is Hoss and you're leading tomorrow's cattle drive to Yuma.

Hunter Mahan. (Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images North America)Wrap-Around Sunglasses

The wrap-around style sunglasses are a bit over the top. While David Duval defined his demeanor behind his Oakley shield, Zach Johnson looks like the likeable nerdy kid who's trying just a bit too hard to be cool.

Then there's Hunter Mahan, a man of great style who in ten years will look back on those Sundogs with embarrassment.

The Bucket Hat

While a sensible sunshade, the ultimate in comic relief this side of Bill Murray and his collection of wacky golf lids.

Rickie Fowler, third round, Farmers Insurance Open, Torrey Pines. (Photo by Donald Miralle/Getty Images North America)The Painter Hat

There are only two people who should wear painter hats. Painters, and that European Tour chap Johan Edfors. All others painter hat wearers should be fined for unnecessary dorkiness.

First up, lolipop popsicle Clifford The Big Red Dog look-alike Rickie Fowler.

On another note, does Puma really expect us to purchase and then actually wear this stuff outside of a fancy dress party?

Next, we'll pay a visit to Biceps Villegas himself, who might well be in the know that the painter hat is on the outs, if his lid of choice during round two at the Qatar Masters is any indication.

Sadly, in Ryan Moore's painter hat (aka the Castro Cap) days, he looked like he actually wanted to paint your house.

Come to think if it, it still looks like he does. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but at some point a pro should start dressing like one.

The Full Cleveland

First, anything named after the city of Cleveland pretty much says it all. If old Cleveland Municipal Stadium was the "Mistake-by-the-lake", the Full Cleveland has to be the "Mistake-while-getting-dressed-in-the-dark".

However, I will say this. It's pretty hard not to notice a guy in the Full Cleveland, so you'd better have the game to back it up.

See Rule 38-38.

Ankle Socks

Chapeau Noir fully supports the use of the ankle sock for all, even for Fred Couples. Just make sure your sock choice will pass inspection at the country club dining room.

As for Fred's shoe of choice, that's a different story.

Pants On The Ground?

Chapeau Noir agrees with One-Eyed Golfer that Americans have generally lagged behind when it comes to having that tailored look on course, but that's changing thanks to young pros like Webb Simpson (Ralph Lauren), who compliment established veterans like Phil Mickelson (Q'aja Couture and Tom Ford) and even Kenny Perry (élevée). Gents like Kenny remind us that even if you're pushing 50 and you're a few desserts past your waistline prime, you can still get it done right.

Tom Watson officially welcomes Webb Simpson to the Ralph Lauren Golf family. (Photo courtesy Ralph Lauren)

Speaking of Webb Simpson.. looks to me like Webb has just agreed to mow Tom's lawn prior to dropping by the yacht club to christen The Flying Wasp. Mrs. Smails does the honours: